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What I admire or envy in others

  • Having lots of money
    • I feel like I could allocate money so well, that I’ve done quite a good job with the resources that I have.
      • Implies I should just, try to go and make this legible, and raise a bunch more money to fund stuff
      • I think maybe I also resent the feeling of needing help from others, the feeling of being weak, being unable to fund it straight out of my own pocket. I like helping others and dislike needing to be helped.
        • (It seems like I should view fundraising as providing an opportunity, to allow people to steward their money and earn a share of my own efforts.)
  • Doing things quickly, exceeding expectations, succeeding hugely despite being young
    • Growing up, I took some pride at being young and smart, having skipped a grade, doing well in school, finishing things faster than expected
    • I still have some of this (eg marrying, having children earlier than most in my generation). But I wonder if it’s still a useful or true identity to hold on to at 30.
  • “Winning”
  • The ability to write really well
    • Scott Alexander and Paul Graham are the classic examples here
    • Cate Hall, lately
    • (how much of this is “writing well” vs “having good ideas”?)
  • Deep technical coding ability, paired with the ability to clearly articulate their thinking
    • Quick shoutouts: Evan You of Vite; Eric Zhang of Modal; Tristan Hume of Anthropic; Evan Wallace of Figma; Jarred Sumner of Bun
  • An ability to stay obsessed with a single topic
    • I love reading through something like SMBC, which has archives going back decades — you can see how the quality of Zach’s art and jokes have improved over time
  • Freedom from obligations
    • Especially as I get older and “grow my network” — a network or reputation is a double-edged sword
  • Being able to speak well in public, tell stories and jokes
    • This is less “I want to be the life of the party” and more “I’m often in situations where I’m organizing a large group of people, and being able to entertain them seems instrumentally useful”
  • First-principles thinking, deriving ideas and strategy based on the fundamentals of economics and physics
    • Elon Musk is the ur-example here
    • Casey Handmer for eg proposing ways to do desalination megaprojects
    • Sam Black for inventing new Magic draft archetypes and strategies
  • Killer design aesthetic
    • In many things (eg space layout, fashion) I consider myself pretty aesthetic-blind.
    • I do have some taste for websites, I think, developed from years and years of staring at them and making tweaks
  • Being taken seriously by others I admire
  • Lovingness, goodness, warmth, kindness, wholesomeness?
    • Some characteristics:
      • At a party, while everyone else is debating in high spirits, she is quietly cleaning up a spill she did not make
      • Says hi to strangers and tries to help them have a good time
      • Understated competence, humility
    • Scott Alexander is a good example here, eg giving away a kidney
    • I wrote these traits down because I feel like I ought to admire this, that it would be good to emulate this, that I would endorse becoming more like this. But… these don’t draw my eye the way the other traits above do. I’d like to change this about myself.

What don’t I admire or envy, that others might?

  • Happiness… (usually)
    • Maybe: I’m a pretty happy person most of the time
  • Friendships, having people to talk to
    • Maybe: my need for people to converse with is quite low; I get a lot out of being alone, or a lot out of reading
  • Similarly: having a lot of followers
  • Nice things, fancy vacations, fun experiences?