Prompt:
Austin welcomes everyone, sets tone.
Themes to hit:
- Marriage as commitment through uncertainty
- Community witness and support
- Joining of families
Austin to draft his own opening remarks.
Welcome. We are gathered today to bear witness to the marriage of Adrian Smith and Venki Kumar.
Marriage is a sacred contract. It’s a commitment, formalized here this afternoon, but then extending to the rest of their shared lifetime.
It’s a promise intended to be costly, binding, permanent. A promise to be made when lived experience and careful reflection and burning passion all point in a single direction: that there’s no other choice, that this one beautiful amazing being merits complete devotion for the rest of your life.
We cannot always guess what life will bring, but after today, Adrian and Venki will have this promise as a recourse against all uncertainty.
This is not a promise they make in secret; it is one they undertake in front of their community. We, the friends and family of the couple, have traveled here from near and far, in order that Adrian and Venki may understand that we support their love and their union.
This union goes beyond two individuals; every marriage represents the joining of two families. Through this ceremony, and with the blessing of each family, we prepare for this couple to begin a family of their own.
I’ll now invite Rachel Shu, Adrian’s Maid of Honor, to read a passage.
Marriage a one-way door. At I first I wanted to say, a door, passing through which forever changes your relationship. But that didn’t feel true — when people ask me how I felt just after getting married, I remember replying “eh it’s pretty much the same, the big milestones are actually moving in together, and (I imagine) having a kid”.
But what is true, is: it’s a decision, intended to be costly, tying ourselves to a mast, because lived experience and careful reflection and burning passion all point in a single direction: that there’s no other reasonable choice to make, that this one beautiful amazing being merits complete devotion for the rest of your life.
nb I keep wanting to put in personal anecdotes, either about my relationship to Adrian and Venki, or my own marriage. But that seems like “wedding speech” and not “officiant” coded.
Here’s some stuff that’s on my mind, anyways:
- I think I met Panda first, I think back when Elicit was still Ought? First at a Manifest, perhaps, and then repeatedly through Taco Tuesdays. He’s always been kind, warm, candid, genuine, someone whose every interaction with others makes them better off.
- But Venki I got to know better, after he started showing up at Mox. He felt kindred, sharing many of my obsessions and my favorite references. In the last couple years, I’ve spent a lot of time with people in EA, which I now consider my adopted tribe; but many conversations with Venki brings me back to my, idk, bootstrapped coder roots.
- I love Venki’s blog. One post of his, “Love your competitors”, is both a title and an essay I come back to again and again. Where startup wisdom argues for a detachment (”startups die of suicide not murder”), I think Venki’s argument here is much more Jesus-like.
I also keep wanting to crack jokes, or at least insert some wry observations about the silliness of finding myself as an officiant - as a kid, I hated all kinds of ceremony, graduation and weddings and funerals. Probably, everyone will be happier if I leave such remarks in my notes.
also ironic, giving opening remarks is one of the more stressful/less fun parts of organizing eg a Manifest, but apparently Adrian found my Manifest remarks good enough to think I should play the same role at his wedding. let this be a warning against doing anything well.
- how personalized to Adrian & Venki, vs how generic (and leave personalization to their vows?)
- how much of my own character to infuse, vs how much to stay in the background?